Friday, February 26, 2010

Who put you in charge?

"I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely more preferably to that of a mere adult."  ~Fran Lebowitz~

Do any of you out there in blog-land have teenagers?  How they got to this big old age is beyond me.  They were once so tiny and utterly dependent on us.  Their eyes would follow us around the room and cry if we left it. So many frustrations abounded when they were little.  The time that was once ours was spent sopping up soggy diapers, and applying desitin to sore bottoms. Eyes of people with no kids that glared at  you in the store when they would wail for candy. Sneaking stealthily out the door so their haughty stares wouldn't bore a hole in your back. Once you become a parent you never look back. You raise them with the greatest of intentions, point their eyes and hearts in the right direction, then you just let go and pray.  The fierceness you feel as a parent is unparalleled, and protectiveness roils up inside of you til it wants to burst.  I've worked hard at letting this feeling not explode into the open.  My husband is a master at level-headedness.  If one of the kids comes home with a problem, he unfailingly gets them to talk about what really happened and what we can do to diffuse and solve the problem. I on the other hand, get emotionally tangled up into whatever hot mess is afoot in their lives.  

When I was a teenager I didn't have much self-confidence.  I second guessed everything I did, and lived to please others.  It was a sometimes lonely place to be.  I longed to be more confident.  I wanted to march into a room with my head held high, flip my hair, and sit down breezily.  I let others perpetuate this in me. When I met George, he saw in one fell swoop what  needed instilled in me, and went to work.  It takes a long time to help someone believe they are capable and worthy.  I love my husband immeasurably for the time and faith he's put into me.  

As of today, our kids exude self-confidence.  I believe they tell the truth, admit their faults, and never back down when it comes to a fight for what's right. Because of this there have been many instances that get them noticed -- and not always in a good way.  They are always the louder ones -- and the fearless leaders that I so wanted to be.  They are also the ones that get noticed first if something goes wrong. If ten kids are yelling in a group, Hunter is the one who will get yelled at.  He will be the first to point out, though, that he was wrong, but also put his two cents in as to why it happened.  They would make excellent lawyers.   My tongue still gets mostly tied in an argument, and I always think of a million things I shoulda-woulda-coulda said.

Hunter is my youngest and quite possibly my loudest kid.  Sweeter than sweet as a baby, he was always (and still is) the most good-natured of my three.  To a fault, he's my biggest helper, the first one with a smile, and the one to make me laugh if I'm mad. He is the Student Council president at his Jr. High,  middle school band president, and captain of his soccer team. He is also my comedian and this is mostly what gets him into trouble.  He's not into violence, and would be the first one to help if someone was in trouble.  I realize that I'm biased, but this is what I see in him.  I also know that he likes to have loud fun.  We have taught him respect, but sometimes, the loudness takes over.  This is called a boy trying to mature into a man.  

I have no tolerance for people with no children who tell me what I should do with my child.  If my child has done wrong, he will be dealt with.  Sometimes many times over dealt with -- until he learns.  Did you know that our brains our not fully developed until age 25?  This is a fact.  At forty-one years of age, I've grown a spine. I know what's right and wrong.  When I turned forty I knew that I would no longer take the crap this life and people sometimes want to throw at me.  Especially when the crap is misplaced, narcissistic verbiage pointed first at an 8th grader -- then his mother. Steel-nosed people that point their wordy, uncompassionate arrows at my door need not apply.  I've been through the mill with laws and all they entail.  I've cried a river and grown up five years ago along with my eldest daughter during her crisis.  She grew up, I grew up, and everyone involved grew up. We were made better people because of it.  A person in their thirties arguing with a jr. higher, copying and pasting their comments, then calling out his mother, is someone I won't deal with, tolerate, or respond to. Even my son, who was merely admitting his wrong and stating his opinion knows when to quit.  Who appointed you Sheriff of Holmes County?

"Arguing with fools proves there are two."  ~unknown~



Leslie Limon said...

What a powerful post, amiga! I was just like you, and it took lots of love, patience and moving to Mexico to show me how strong and confident I am. I still have a ways to go and will get there eventually.

You and George are awesome parents!!! And you have some of the greatest kids.

Continued blessings to all of you! :D


Melissa said...

Thanks Leslie -- I think I let all my steam out in one post. ;)

Here's to strength and confidence!