|Slightly pensive today. Watch out.|
I wish at times I could hold in my feelings. I know I seem happy and smiling most of the time - and I am. But as I've gotten older, I realized that I won't hold things in anymore. If there is an injustice, I need to say something about it or somehow get my viewpoint in.
That's not always a good thing. I will probably do it anyway.
People don't always want to hear everyone's viewpoint. I'm no different. If someone tries to tell me that I'm doing something wrong, I probably won't listen. I really should sometimes. Maybe I'm too abrasive? Maybe I'm too one-sided? I like to think that criticism, in its finest form, is a way to better oneself. I believe that firmly. It still doesn't mean I won't bristle when I hear it! We all do.
Working in an office, I've learned to take constructive criticism way better than I used to. When I realize the person isn't doing it to attack me, then it makes it all better. It's been a hard learning process. Life is a hard learning process. One with which I struggle every day.
Right now, it's my day off. For the love of Pete, I'm so excited to be here - alone in my house - for the first time in over a month! Days home alone, with no sound to distract me, are like a mini vacation to me. My husband and kids are the world to me, but some days I just don't want to hear anyone.
That day is today.
I think I've been snippy lately. I can feel it. Everyone is getting on my last nerve and I'm not sure why. Do I need to shut off the internet connection, which is so readily at my fingertips with this new laptop? Maybe I do. I think it's become a distraction, this easily bridged push of a button to the world wide web.
Yet, so many ideas have been brewing - some that are coming to fruition - that I need to work on on the computer. It's a doorway to what I can accomplish. I guess I need strict working hours and defined browsing hours. I need discipline in this area.
I've gained much discipline in the getting healthy area. I'm on a roll since October 29th and I'm not getting off. I am pushing and striving to get through. As my wise sister once said, "It's not a race." I'm hanging on to that when that brownie is staring me in the face. Thing is, I can have it if I want, it's just a matter of rearranging the other things I eat. I'm loving this new way of life.
I love succeeding.
But if I'm succeeding at one thing and failing at another that what am I doing wrong? Some days I want to get off the world and let it spin without me. If my husband and kids feel I'm never here for them then what can I change? What can I do differently? I found this blog posted on one of the blogs I follow:
It's a great read and worthy of your time. If I'm spending my time unwisely, I need to change it. But I also don't want people being greedy and wanting me there at all times just because. I need to DO and FEEL and ACCOMPLISH the things I have in a mental list. Things that have been biting at my ankles. For so long I've helped others accomplish their dreams. Mine are on the backburner - indefinitely bubbling away until the pan turns dry.
I feel like the dry pan right now.
I read this series on time management and discipline:http://moneysavingmom.com/time-management-101-series Good Stuff.
I'm happy. I love where I am. I LOVE LOVE LOVE writing my column and blog. I know I'm in the right area - it's where I'm supposed to be. What then, is this crazy thing in the back of my neck making it stiffen and grow tense?
I want what's mine, but I'm afraid to succeed. I'm afraid to start. I'm satisfied where I am and maybe that's the problem. Maybe I just stay rooted in safety because it's easier. This post has turned into a monster that I never meant to create.
Alone time can do that to you. It can bring out what's been stirring all along. Maybe it's time to get this monster out so I can finally succeed.