nighttime

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I never thought I was a late writer. You know, into the wee hours of the night. Yet here I am, full of ideas and thoughts. When I was a teenager I was a total night owl. Prowling around the room until 4 am. Listening to music or reading. After you get married there is someone else that shares your time and I was always considerate of that. But just maybe, I need to spend some time roaming around the house at night, or just writing. Writing until my head unloads some of this stuff that's been building up for twenty years.

I just can't believe it's fall already. The summer went so quickly what with Belle's graduation, then leaving for college. Selena starting high school, and soccer for them all. It's just crazy. Life is fragile and full of mystery. I've been delving into some heavy stuff lately. I mean, there is always the day to day, but I've realized that when my stress level gets to the top it's time to turn it all over to God. Why can't I remember this simple solution before my stress spills over? I sometimes feel like he's a little sick of all my problems --- but that's just the human in me doubting it all.

GOD IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME. HE NEVER LEAVES ME.

Even when I feel tortured not knowing what will happen next, I know he's directing me with a not-so-gentle nudge. Now whether I choose to listen or feel that nudge is a different thing altogether. I have always heard God's voice, but not always listened. He's outright pushed me to do things in the past and I just kept on walking. Right now I'm laying face-down in his hands and he's a-carrying me because I just can't walk. Thank you God for picking me up one more time when all I really deserve is a butt whooping!

... the silence is a pressure
in the vacuum of my head.
Is He in there? picking apart
my brain until I hear him?
...or is he waiting in stillness
until the roar of my head
ceases. Wake up and be
silent. ...so you can hear...

Comments

Tina said…
Your writing is always inspiring. I'm grateful for your sharing your thoughts and your heart.
<3
T
October 2, 2009 at 12:10 PM
Leslie Harris said…
Late night...it's when I have my best conversations with God!
October 2, 2009 at 6:06 PM
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