Warning: Old Jealousy Dies Hard

The last 24 hours have been interesting.  I've been through a maelstrom of emotions that seemingly were caused by a simple google search.  Yes, I said google search.  Are any of you guilty of doing a little snooping or poking around in the past?  Whether by curiosity or outright nosiness?  Well, I have a warm feeling this morning, and I def think I should feel guilty about it.  tee hee. George has had a very colorful past -- and I mean colorful.  He's lived in so many different locations, known so many people and had/or been involved in so many situations.  I don't know about you, but I'm the kind of girl who likes to know  how many girlfriends my husband has had before me.  You know the kind of convo I'm talking about.  "Come on honey, I just want to know.  What did she look like?  Was she short?  Fine...but did she kiss better than me?"  These conversations took place before we were married and sometimes after we had been married.  In May it'll be twenty years of marriage -- and it's been a wild/rocky/blissful ride.  I love him more everyday.  Maybe most of you don't want to know those kinds of things, but I always did.  There was one or two girls that he told me about that always stuck in my mind.  Mind you this was early 80's.  George will always say, "Babe, I don't even remember what their faces look like let alone much else about them."  We talk and laugh and reminisce -- oh the stories he can tell.  It's funny how he can remember wild adventures with his friends down to the last detail, but not even remember the face of a girlfriend?  Like I believe that. Ha.

Well, yesterday I went snooping.  What possessed me to do it, I'll never know.  All of a sudden there she was.  Her name, picture, and all sorts of info popped up onto the screen in a very public forum.  I sat there transfixed.  After all these years I finally got to see someone who was in George's life before me.  After I looked at what she had put online, I closed the screen and sat there. I knew what she looked like, what her kids looked like, and what she was doing with her life.  What was my main objective?  To have George's memories of her as a young girl changed by how she looked today?  Was it to make me feel better knowing that I had won him over and was (in my mind) better than her?  George and I have a wonderful relationship.  As we grow older, I appreciate him more and more.  When I finally laid eyes on this girl/woman, who in my mind was someone I made out to be bigger, I was actually disappointed.  I felt bad!  As a woman, we sometimes make things bigger in our heads than they really are.  Made-up jealousy, and blowing things out of proportion are what we can be good at.

When George got home we went online and he took a look at what I had found.  We looked at everything together.  When we were done he looked at me and said, "You know what?  It didn't work out with her so I could find you." <3  Aw, maybe that's what I wanted to hear.  Gosh darn women's vanity.  After all that he continued laughingly, "And you just wanted to find her to get back at me for making fun of all YOUR old boyfriends!"   Bingo -- he knows me too well.  I knew we found each other for a reason.  We're both irreverent and full of it.  Here's to a little old jealousy for making you hold on a little tighter and loving more.