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Friday, March 5, 2010

Warning: Old Jealousy Dies Hard

The last 24 hours have been interesting.  I've been through a maelstrom of emotions that seemingly were caused by a simple google search.  Yes, I said google search.  Are any of you guilty of doing a little snooping or poking around in the past?  Whether by curiosity or outright nosiness?  Well, I have a warm feeling this morning, and I def think I should feel guilty about it.  tee hee. George has had a very colorful past -- and I mean colorful.  He's lived in so many different locations, known so many people and had/or been involved in so many situations.  I don't know about you, but I'm the kind of girl who likes to know  how many girlfriends my husband has had before me.  You know the kind of convo I'm talking about.  "Come on honey, I just want to know.  What did she look like?  Was she short?  Fine...but did she kiss better than me?"  These conversations took place before we were married and sometimes after we had been married.  In May it'll be twenty years of marriage -- and it's been a wild/rocky/blissful ride.  I love him more everyday.  Maybe most of you don't want to know those kinds of things, but I always did.  There was one or two girls that he told me about that always stuck in my mind.  Mind you this was early 80's.  George will always say, "Babe, I don't even remember what their faces look like let alone much else about them."  We talk and laugh and reminisce -- oh the stories he can tell.  It's funny how he can remember wild adventures with his friends down to the last detail, but not even remember the face of a girlfriend?  Like I believe that. Ha.

Well, yesterday I went snooping.  What possessed me to do it, I'll never know.  All of a sudden there she was.  Her name, picture, and all sorts of info popped up onto the screen in a very public forum.  I sat there transfixed.  After all these years I finally got to see someone who was in George's life before me.  After I looked at what she had put online, I closed the screen and sat there. I knew what she looked like, what her kids looked like, and what she was doing with her life.  What was my main objective?  To have George's memories of her as a young girl changed by how she looked today?  Was it to make me feel better knowing that I had won him over and was (in my mind) better than her?  George and I have a wonderful relationship.  As we grow older, I appreciate him more and more.  When I finally laid eyes on this girl/woman, who in my mind was someone I made out to be bigger, I was actually disappointed.  I felt bad!  As a woman, we sometimes make things bigger in our heads than they really are.  Made-up jealousy, and blowing things out of proportion are what we can be good at.

When George got home we went online and he took a look at what I had found.  We looked at everything together.  When we were done he looked at me and said, "You know what?  It didn't work out with her so I could find you." <3  Aw, maybe that's what I wanted to hear.  Gosh darn women's vanity.  After all that he continued laughingly, "And you just wanted to find her to get back at me for making fun of all YOUR old boyfriends!"   Bingo -- he knows me too well.  I knew we found each other for a reason.  We're both irreverent and full of it.  Here's to a little old jealousy for making you hold on a little tighter and loving more.

5 comments:

Tina said...

Oh my goodness, kind of a funny and uncomfortable story. Glad that is done and hope it's out of your system.
You and George are so cute.
T

Leslie Limon said...

I am the exact opposite! I do not want to know about my hubby's ex-girlfriends. I don't even want to know names. But shortly after we were married, my sis-in-law joked that her daughter's name was the same as hubby's ex. So I asked about her, and Hubby said that it wasn't an important relationship. I was fine with that.

BUT, then we moved here and I started working at the Cultural Center and one of my colleagues was none other than Hubby's ex. The conversation started with her saying..."So you're the one that married Alfonso!" Then she went on and on about how close her and my Hubby were in High School. It really ticked me off! I ended the conversation with something like "Yeah, well you couldn't have been too close, because he ended up going to the States to look for a wife!"

Jealousy...you gotta love it! (Sometimes!) :D

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Melissa said...

Tina -- at 41 there's not too much jealousy left -- especially for someone he knew 25 years ago. ;) Now that I actually saw her it's done gone out of my system. haha

Oh Leslie! You go girl -- I love that you said that. There was a girl in Mexico, AFTER we were married, that used to wait for George on the street corner. She just couldn't get it in her head that George had married a gringa -- she was holding such a torch for him. Talk about UNCOMFORTABLE situation. She would glare such daggers at me. I guess that's what happens when we marry such handsome latinos. ;)

C. Rose Fisher said...

You are totally human and I love your candor....I think about that stuff to, but have yet to dig. Thanks for the insight.