Right now...this is what I need. I need God's hands to pluck me from this earth...dust me off...and give me his version of what he wants me to do. I thought that I'd been listening for it...his will for us. Somehow my ears have become deaf and I need a sharp slap to the head to unplug them. My mind is spinning and I can't focus. I guess that's because I haven't been focusing on Him. I've only been focusing on what is wrong with our lives. I've been too busy worrying where the money will come from next to really sit down and listen for His voice. I'm sorry, Lord. Since last fall especially, nothing has gone right financially. We struggle day to day just to get food on the table. Job opportunities come, and then they go. Then we sit on the couch and just stare at each other or into space wondering what is happening with our lives. I think we're being pushed.....pushed out of our little space in the world that has become too comfortable. God has made our lives extra UN-comfortable in the last two years to think that it's just a phase. Am I listening? I know that I am now. Even so...I've found it hard to pray and really ask for an answer. I've felt angry...angry that I can't just write checks to pay my bills. Angry that God has brought us to this point...to the place where we feel we might lose everything. In my heart, though, I've felt this prodding. This prodding that what we are doing here isn't what's meant to be. Tears come to my eyes right now even as I write this. It's so silly to people that only have to worry about what they're going to make for supper tonight, or to what game their kids are playing in today. Those things aren't trivial. I wish I only had that to worry about. For some reason though, we've been chosen to go through this, and I only hope that once we realize what it is we need to be doing...that God will allow things to fall into place. I've been telling my kids lately that when we do what God wants us to do....that a certain peace comes over us. You feel that everything will be okay. It's because we are in HIS PLAN. When we are OUT of his plan, things seem bleak. I pray this day that my life will be used for God's will. Take me out of this existence of worrying about jobs and money, and into your wonderful plan for me and my family.......I know it's out there Lord...we just need to be ready for that door to open for us. Where it will lead us, only God knows that. We just have to be ready to go...........
2 days ago