Wednesday, October 1, 2014

On being a worthy room-owning woman

Do you feel worthy?

Slipping back through the curtain of years I take a look at myself with a harsh lens. I was not very confident and cared way too much about what others thought of me. I wish I could go back thirty years and give myself a slap in the face. Harsh truth. When faced with a myriad of ways I could’ve reacted to adversity, most of the time I let tears take over and went home to bury myself in a book. Granted, books are a good thing, but taking the time to be strong and face conflict is even better. Listening to music in my own world was healing, but not even Shaun Cassidy can solve all problems. I slid through those years feeling sorry for myself and especially letting those feelings of “not good enough” take over. Most of these feelings were covered up with a good heavy mask that I took off when I entered my room, which was my haven. Even now, thinking of that girl and the genuine ability and spunk she had makes me weep for what she could have been then.

We ask ourselves, if given the opportunity, would we travel back in time and live our lives a different way. Knowing what I know now, I would just want several days back. I would speak words differently, gather myself and who I am, and project that I wasn’t a pushover. Somehow, it took entering my forties to realize who that girl is – she is me. That was a few years too long, but I’m so glad I met her and we started taking names. There are times it creeps back in, like when I enter a room or gathering and start thinking that all these people are wondering why I’m there – that I don’t belong. I tamp it down and hold my head at a cocky angle and I walk in that room like I own it. It takes a bit of practice, but soon you’re not feeling the old emotions anymore. Victory.

It’s a bit liberating to state that you’ve beaten your old foe insecurity. As women, though, we are a bit too apologetic. I read an article this morning called “15 Career tips for women” and though the title sounds a bit blasé, it was an absolutely refreshing article. One of the quotes hit me square in the face because I’ve been this way. I know what I’m worth and I should state it without wording it like a question. We all, as women, need to tap into our own worth and power and use it to better ourselves – so we can all walk into the room like we own it.

“Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.” –Tina Fey

You can find this and all my other columns on The Holmes County Bargain Hunter